All this soul excavating is paying off, difficult though it is. For example, in the first mansion as Caroline Myss calls it, we are to face those instances in life that we fear will humiliate us. Knowing CM like I've come to, she doesn't just throw things around in any old order. She says we challenge ourselves to make the right choices, battling the fear of humiliation the whole entire way. It's the one thing all of mankind has in common.
Also, she said this prayer that I thought was especially powerful and important, "Let my soul go where I cannot go and let my soul go only with God." Not one to throw her own spiritual practice around, if CM prays it, it works. And what a relief to just let your soul go where it needs to, without concern that you haven't done enough. Whew!
I let my soul go where it wanted to this weekend, and one of the flights of fancy it went on was backwards into earlier times in my life. College years when I wasn't too distracted to feel the wind and ponder what its temperature means, always telling the future back then. Just kidding. Being Indian, I guess.
Oh the tangents I'm off on. Anyway, you know how you can sense that temperature back when you were younger, and you could feel the wind blowing around you, the night air, the day's sun. And you just ponder it all because you're not too busy to notice it? I loved that about the freedom of college, even the dorm room beds with plastic lined mattresses that never helped you sleep.
And that time, just back then you know.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sustenance
It's been so nice to have something to put my mind to, focusing 100% without exception on history is totally my path now. It's like I've come full-circle on my journey, homeschoolers know how it is...so I won't bore you with the telling. Maybe my kids just happen to be at the perfect ages, I think that might be it, and I'm less afraid to say than before, "sit down now, you're SO going to learn this". And we are.
Take this morning for example, totally showed up for my playdate, yet no one was there. It happens. Came home with time to spare before camp, and we dived head first into studying Leif Ericson. Knew of him, somewhat recalled parts of his story...but homeschoolers tend to go deeper (remember I've said that), so names like Tyrker the German and Bjarni restored me. There's more to Leif the Lucky than the fact that he may have discovered America before Columbus.
Found the PERFECT living history book at the library, that tells a half-fictional but mostly factual version of the story, and it's NOT BORING. Charlotte Mason enthusiasts know why and how this is important and exciting. Others might read into it in an unusual, yet predictable way, it's only top-notch homeschooling.
No playdates tomorrow, in fact we'll be going to the cabin. Life all around me is returning to normal, only I'm more in charge of its direction, timely and just what I needed. Focusing 100% without exception on homeschooling, and history in addition to other things, is going to change the world someday. How come?
Because no longer am I satisfied living my life with only partial integrity. I have it all back, filled with intention. As far as my friends leaving me high and dry at the park...we missed them, but we had a blast anyway.
Take this morning for example, totally showed up for my playdate, yet no one was there. It happens. Came home with time to spare before camp, and we dived head first into studying Leif Ericson. Knew of him, somewhat recalled parts of his story...but homeschoolers tend to go deeper (remember I've said that), so names like Tyrker the German and Bjarni restored me. There's more to Leif the Lucky than the fact that he may have discovered America before Columbus.
Found the PERFECT living history book at the library, that tells a half-fictional but mostly factual version of the story, and it's NOT BORING. Charlotte Mason enthusiasts know why and how this is important and exciting. Others might read into it in an unusual, yet predictable way, it's only top-notch homeschooling.
No playdates tomorrow, in fact we'll be going to the cabin. Life all around me is returning to normal, only I'm more in charge of its direction, timely and just what I needed. Focusing 100% without exception on homeschooling, and history in addition to other things, is going to change the world someday. How come?
Because no longer am I satisfied living my life with only partial integrity. I have it all back, filled with intention. As far as my friends leaving me high and dry at the park...we missed them, but we had a blast anyway.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Zen Head
If I was at the beach this would be the perfect mindset. Being at home, however, with plans to drop kids at camp for swimming day, and that basement that's moving its own self into place...I'm just writing this to clear a space in my zen head.
Feelin mellow, at peace, I guess. And wanting to shake my own thoughts up a bit, because it's nice knowing zen is there, but I wouldn't necessarily want to live there, if you know what I mean. I like being productive much better.
So, this post is pretty much without any purpose other than to get the rustiness out of my brain that decided to infiltrate it this morning. Ooh, sounds diabolical...wonder what it could apply to. Yes, that's the thinking I adore, so thank you blog.
I'm yours.
Feelin mellow, at peace, I guess. And wanting to shake my own thoughts up a bit, because it's nice knowing zen is there, but I wouldn't necessarily want to live there, if you know what I mean. I like being productive much better.
So, this post is pretty much without any purpose other than to get the rustiness out of my brain that decided to infiltrate it this morning. Ooh, sounds diabolical...wonder what it could apply to. Yes, that's the thinking I adore, so thank you blog.
I'm yours.
Monday, June 22, 2009
What is health?
Okay, here's why I get repeatedly mad at the more stubborn set. Yes, they're talented, but it has nothing to do with admitting or valuing it. Some people are lucky and work hard, that's all I can even say on that.
Health is an alignment of principles, that are lived automatically and without question. Just being in tune with something that IS true, remember truth is NOT relative, truth organizes the whole goddamn system!
What, you believe there are exceptions? That there are ways to get AROUND truth? Be wrong then, for the rest of an empty life that's not my responsibility, it's yours hon. Might even cause cancer, in fact. Thought that through as part of my weekend, by the end I disproved it.
Not that the causes aren't available for those who put weak faith in it. Both parties could easily fall sway to the idea, or even fact, that to not have this need met, to not find said balance, could produce a lifetime of weakness, and that would be that.
If you believe in weakness, which I won't. At least, not where I can control it, I'd rather condemn it. And you should too! Condemning weakness and then leading your life by good principles, don't think surprises aren't still part of the package.
Why do I have to keep reminding that? Until we prove our faithfulness to God's plan, His will without exception, we'll never know the goodness of what He has in store for us. Simple, easy, fun, and might even prevent cancer.
Health is an alignment of principles, that are lived automatically and without question. Just being in tune with something that IS true, remember truth is NOT relative, truth organizes the whole goddamn system!
What, you believe there are exceptions? That there are ways to get AROUND truth? Be wrong then, for the rest of an empty life that's not my responsibility, it's yours hon. Might even cause cancer, in fact. Thought that through as part of my weekend, by the end I disproved it.
Not that the causes aren't available for those who put weak faith in it. Both parties could easily fall sway to the idea, or even fact, that to not have this need met, to not find said balance, could produce a lifetime of weakness, and that would be that.
If you believe in weakness, which I won't. At least, not where I can control it, I'd rather condemn it. And you should too! Condemning weakness and then leading your life by good principles, don't think surprises aren't still part of the package.
Why do I have to keep reminding that? Until we prove our faithfulness to God's plan, His will without exception, we'll never know the goodness of what He has in store for us. Simple, easy, fun, and might even prevent cancer.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Okay fine, let's pretend
Fancy meeting you here, and guess what...gonna be exclusively nice to you from now on. Wait, where did that word "exclusively" come from, wasn't how I meant to say it. Was good enough just saying it the first way, I'm going to be nice to you from now on. I promise.
I promise wasn't in there either, was going to be "Really nice." Its own sentence. But the repurcussions of those two words alone, actual shivers down my spine, second guessed it, reality time. I knew I meant it, wasn't part of the problem.
It's just...that. Well, I'm sure you can imagine. Because I can't really say what I'm thinking out loud.
I promise wasn't in there either, was going to be "Really nice." Its own sentence. But the repurcussions of those two words alone, actual shivers down my spine, second guessed it, reality time. I knew I meant it, wasn't part of the problem.
It's just...that. Well, I'm sure you can imagine. Because I can't really say what I'm thinking out loud.
Friday, June 19, 2009
To be phenomenal
Hell if I know what being phenomenal requires. Even in my own life, while it's top priority that my children are well-educated, that food's on our table (somehow mysteriously appears there), that love's in our air...I still can't trade in the assumption that being flexible has to be in there somewhere. Not to a fault though, that would be faulty phenomenal.
Real phenomenal, like I said, don't really know much about it. Each day I wake up trying to be my best self, listening closely to my spirit to see if it has any suggestions. The fact that it's always rambling on in new directions gives me some clue, and the fact that I'm flexible and spirit's phenomenal, keeps me going.
Maybe that's what it comes down to. WE can't be phenomenal, but we can allow spirit to be, eventually I'll learn. For example, I can say as many times as I like to whoever I want, "speak slowly, enunciate, grow comfortable with the slowness". And while spirit knows that applause means everything, and besides, most people can't even tell the difference...
some people refuse to learn. Maybe it comes down to being controlling, about everything. Some people think if they listen to nobody but their own selves, spirit will come in anyway. That's wrong. Spirit can only enter when we make the space, when we have the faith, when we're willing to let go of everything.
Spirit doesn't just barge in anytime it likes, that's plain arrogant. We have to trust it, and ourselves enough to let go. At least that's how I've lived it. And always WILL live it.
Real phenomenal, like I said, don't really know much about it. Each day I wake up trying to be my best self, listening closely to my spirit to see if it has any suggestions. The fact that it's always rambling on in new directions gives me some clue, and the fact that I'm flexible and spirit's phenomenal, keeps me going.
Maybe that's what it comes down to. WE can't be phenomenal, but we can allow spirit to be, eventually I'll learn. For example, I can say as many times as I like to whoever I want, "speak slowly, enunciate, grow comfortable with the slowness". And while spirit knows that applause means everything, and besides, most people can't even tell the difference...
some people refuse to learn. Maybe it comes down to being controlling, about everything. Some people think if they listen to nobody but their own selves, spirit will come in anyway. That's wrong. Spirit can only enter when we make the space, when we have the faith, when we're willing to let go of everything.
Spirit doesn't just barge in anytime it likes, that's plain arrogant. We have to trust it, and ourselves enough to let go. At least that's how I've lived it. And always WILL live it.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Will Ferrell
My brother-in-law got me the Best of SNL Will Ferrell DVD a couple Christmases ago because I told him Will was my favorite. Finally threw that baby in yesterday, just to see if I remembered having seen any of those performances. No to the band scene with the pretty ridiculous drummer, and yes to the hot tub one with that annoying Drew Barrymore. I'm sorry, I just rarely like her. Ever since that whole Canadian guy I believed in, she trashed his potential along with his reputation.
Of course I LOVED and had previously seen the hot tub scene, and realized at last why everyone got so annoyed by all that ruin-the-moment laughing. It really did ruin every scene for no reason, but it's good that everyone's talking openly about it these days. I'd bet that's healing. It's basically all Will's fault, he's just too good at acting. Makes everyone else feel insecure, and so they cover it up by laughing. I think, but am probably wrong there. Again.
Rachel was who really caught my eye though, and I even went so far as to bring her up to my husband this morning. I think of all the cast, she's absolutely the most talented. Then, when I saw her in TIME with three friendly supporters, I knew for sure then. This woman needs to find her own inner strength and belief in herself before she'll ever make it to the top, again.
At first, I thought it was the industry's fault. Husband called it cut-throat, and I got scared for everyone in it. Can't even help your friends out if you want to, apparently. Seven years spent sure that you have a bright future, and then nobody's there to actually make it happen. You have to find it in your own self, my husband said, she has to really want to.
He's totally right. For a minute I thought, maybe she should get involved in charity. And when she realizes how important it is that she be her best self for the sake of all the people and causes she could help...it might be worth it. Sometimes people wait for others to say they're worth it, when really, they need to figure out for themselves...WHY it's worth it.
She's obviously the most talented of the whole entire cast. Oh wait, I already said that. And, she has lots of friends, so when she's ready to decide that the world needs her talent, we'll eagerly oblige her, can't get enough of Rachel Dratch, then. In the meantime, I'll be patient. I usually am, but not always. Rachel, hurry up and believe in your talent.
Of course I LOVED and had previously seen the hot tub scene, and realized at last why everyone got so annoyed by all that ruin-the-moment laughing. It really did ruin every scene for no reason, but it's good that everyone's talking openly about it these days. I'd bet that's healing. It's basically all Will's fault, he's just too good at acting. Makes everyone else feel insecure, and so they cover it up by laughing. I think, but am probably wrong there. Again.
Rachel was who really caught my eye though, and I even went so far as to bring her up to my husband this morning. I think of all the cast, she's absolutely the most talented. Then, when I saw her in TIME with three friendly supporters, I knew for sure then. This woman needs to find her own inner strength and belief in herself before she'll ever make it to the top, again.
At first, I thought it was the industry's fault. Husband called it cut-throat, and I got scared for everyone in it. Can't even help your friends out if you want to, apparently. Seven years spent sure that you have a bright future, and then nobody's there to actually make it happen. You have to find it in your own self, my husband said, she has to really want to.
He's totally right. For a minute I thought, maybe she should get involved in charity. And when she realizes how important it is that she be her best self for the sake of all the people and causes she could help...it might be worth it. Sometimes people wait for others to say they're worth it, when really, they need to figure out for themselves...WHY it's worth it.
She's obviously the most talented of the whole entire cast. Oh wait, I already said that. And, she has lots of friends, so when she's ready to decide that the world needs her talent, we'll eagerly oblige her, can't get enough of Rachel Dratch, then. In the meantime, I'll be patient. I usually am, but not always. Rachel, hurry up and believe in your talent.
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